The Parable of the Punitive Father

Stole this from the open source theology but it made me laugh. And if it is opensource then i probably can post it here.

ps-if you want me to take it down just put a post here

For everyone else enjoy.

The Parable of the Punitive Father

The Parable of the Punitive Father *

A Paraphrase of the "Logic" of the Un-Biblical Penal Substitution Theory of the Atonement

By: Jonathan E. Tyler

Copyright, 2001. All rights reserved.

A certain father had two sons: a teen and a two-year-old.

Now, the father was a stern man who hated injustice; in fact, so much did it anger him that the only thing that could appease him, once he was sufficiently provoked by it, was to lash out in unbridled rage.

One day, his two-year-old son deliberately poured ink all over his important papers, ruining them. The father, who had given so much to his sons all their lives, became enraged up to the point of violence. Now, despite his anger, the father dearly loved his son; but such was the severity of his justice that he could not let such a brazen act go unpunished. The father was beside himself: he couldn’t just keep his rage all bottled up, but if he struck his two-year-old in his rage it would certainly destroy his son. Fortunately, his firstborn son – his obedient one – had a plan.

"Father, I know that you are a stern man and that your righteous anger must be avenged once provoked. I am much older than my brother; if you were to strike me instead of him it would hurt terribly, but it would not destroy me. This way, you needn’t kill my brother to prove your righteousness and your wrath may be satisfied, leaving you capable, once again, of being the loving father you’ve always tried to be."

The father, before his firstborn could so much as draw another breath, grabbed a baseball bat and brutally struck him in the head, necessitating that the son be taken to the hospital. Once the father’s anger was spent, he once again felt propitious toward both of his sons; and by him spending his very own money to hire the very best doctors, he was able to bring his comatose son back from the brink of death and they were a family once again!

So pleased was the father at the selfless sacrifice of his firstborn son, that he gave him his inheritance early – a sizable amount. The firstborn son, true to his nature, decided to share his good fortune with his little brother and bought the very best sets of full-body armor money could buy; and the father and his two sons lived happily ever after: the problem solved for good.

* From an unpublished manuscript for the book, Scapegoat Messiah: A Proposal for a More Biblical and Comprehensive Model of the Atonement, by Jonathan E. Tyler